Living Together: Guidelines for Couples

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Here are the seven principles of a couple's coexistence, according to emotional ecology. The goal is to create the best possible conditions to love and to be loved when you share a space with another person. This is also one of the hardest parts about being in a relationship and many have failed during the initial phases of living together because the people involved were not ready or failed to understand all implications that go along with co-inhabitance.

Personal autonomy.

Each person must be themselves and work to know how and and be autonomous. Everyone must be given the means to make their dreams (within reason, otherwise if they are too grand you might be better suited single) come true. Every person is unique.

Dependency prevention.

Don't play "mother" or "father" with your partner. Don't overprotect them or think for them, talk or do things on their behalf if they are capable instead. Don't always tell them what to do. Create a space of freedom where everyone assumes their own self-care responsibilities.

Sowing the Positive – Feed Back.

Everything positive that we sow around us is repaid to us. A simple principle in theory, but can be hard to achieve in a relationship. If we sow in our relationship as a couple joy, gratitude, tenderness, empathy, communication, love, generosity, understanding, independence; we create an emotional environment that pays off. Instead: selfishness, moodiness, anger, pessimism, complaint, criticism, jealousy, mistrust; will pollute the relationship.

Natural Morality.

Don't do to your partner what you don't want to done to you, that's the golden rule for life. It sounds logical, but this is often forgotten. Do not control, do not complain constantly, do not underestimate, do not yell, do not judge.

Individuality and Difference.

We are all different and that is precisely why couples are so strong. They offer each other a wealth of experience for a relationship. You have to respect different tastes and never impose your own, instead embrace it when interest is shown. Listen to your partner to discover their tastes and preferences so that we can share them, and not make differences a pitched battle.

Love Yourself

You can't give love if you don't love yourself. You can't give quality time, if isn't given freely. You can't smile if you don't have anything in your own life to smile about. You will not be able to collaborate on your happiness, if that person is not responsible for their own happiness. First we start with ourselves, and then we can give everything we harvest. This may sound self-focused but it is the opposite of an ego centric or narcissistic relationship.

You Choose.

Our challenge is to take responsibility for our own lives, for our actions. To achieve this we must provide relationship the right spaces to evolve and improve as people. We are responsible for our choice of partner and the decision whether or not to continue with it. If our relationship causes us a lot of suffering and lowers our self-esteem; if it reduces our world and our chances of being and relating, we have a duty to "clean up" and end the relationship.

If you are chosen without any action on your part is it really a balanced relationship?

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