Embracing Love’s Embrace

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Does he hug you when you sleep or turn his back on you?

Hugging has been proven to have health benefits. One study has shown that hugs increase levels of oxytocin and reduce blood pressure.

Through sleep, both men and women unconsciously take the position expressed by their attitude towards their partner. What does your sleeping body language have to say? We all sleep in different ways, but each one has a favorite position where he likes to fall asleep.

Psychologists agree that the position of our body through the night can tell a lot about the character of the person and their attachment to their partner. If one's dreams can be called a monologue, those of two together can be called a dialog.

Scientists found that the way people sleep, indicates something about how they relate and which feelings govern between the two. So, what's our body language trying to tell us?

The main orientations while sleeping are:

  1. Back to back. They sleep with their back to their partner, that is they are touching from behind, facing away from the other, but they maintain contact behind. These couples feel a strong sexual attraction to one another, although they value their independence, they give great importance to feeling the closeness of the other.

  2. Spoon position. One partner is supposed to hug the other from behing. This position is also called the back hug by my boyfriend, when the man embraces the woman, it means that he is willing to protect her from all evil, and if the woman embraces the man, it means that she enjoys his confidence. In this case she represents emotional support for her partner.

They say that this position ensures harmony and is often thought of as showing trust, a good thing for the future and progress of a relationship.

  1. Facing hugs. The lovers sleep face to face towards each other, hugged. The legs may be tangled, indicating the desire to belong to each other and other strong bonding feelings. The heads may be at different levels and can be uncomfortable to sleep like this.

  2. Separately. Partners do not touch each other during sleep. It indicates difficulties in the relationship of couple and lack of mutual understanding in waking life.

  3. Side hugs. Research made by an English sexual health center interpret 3 variants of this position:

Variant 1. The man is on his back and hugs/cradles his partner who rests beside him. The position indicates that he is willing to give emotional support and harbor his partner in life from harm.

Variant 2. One of the couple is on their back, and another on their side in an fetal position. This has been translated that the latter needs the support, but for some reason cannot say it openly.

Variant 3. One is on the back, and the other next to your belly, placing a leg or arm on the partner's body. According to psychologists, the latter has the subordinate role in the relationship.

It should be noted that the poses of couples, who have lived together for a long time, are more reserved than newlyweds. If the newly involve embrace the whole body and their bodies get very entangled during sleep, those who have had a long relationship together, are more reserved and will lock a foot or hand when seeking contact. Psychologists recommend that all couples sleep in the same bed. The fact is that if they separate to different beds, their incomprehension grows and negatively influences the relationship. Scientists explain that the person is more sincere in sleep and does not depend so much on their ego as in wakefulness.

The Feeling of Love

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How can you define love? Into which box do you place it?

What is love?

According to philosophy, human or religious judgment, love is related to the affection and attachment that is experienced towards a person. This leads to passionate emotions and intimacy. According to science, it is only a state of primitive evolution of survival that facilitates the continuity of species.

We have multiple ways to look at love, but on an inner personal level few would define it so clinically.

So how would you describe love to someone?

In psychology, the terms affection and love are of great importance. As all intellectual phenomena have been classified as sensations by scientists, all emotion is perceived as a simple mental affection, the element by which all emotional manifestations are greatly pronounced.

The psychologist Henry Murray (1893-1988) developed an organized personality theory in terms of motivations and needs. According to Murray, these psychogenic needs function mainly through unconsciousness, but play a major role in the personality of individuals. Murray categorizes these five needs of affection:

  • Affiliation: spending time with other individuals;
  • Nurturing: caring for another person;
  • Play: having fun with others;
  • Social rejection: rejection of other individuals;
  • Protection: be useful or protective of others.

So affection is a feeling of love, and yet as a mere type in the very broadest sense: a positive feeling therefore that like other forms of love makes us wish for the well-being or happiness of others, or even pushes us to participate as best we can. One can compare affection to friendship or tenderness, and its expression to benevolence or simply to kindness. A person with affection is said to be affectionate.

Affection has sparked a number of studies in philosophy and psychology concerning the feeling itself (popularly love, devotion, etc.) as well as the influence of this state of mind.

Don’t Be Afraid – Show Your Love

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The opposite of war is love and the opposite of love is not hate, it is fear.

What is love? Love is the basis for a healthy relationship, and every healthy relationship is a garden, a mystery that happens, for example, between two people, a garden that depends on both people to flourish. In this encounter where a new universe is created, in that encounter where phenomena happen and where both people are exchanged and transformed. This is a lot easier than it sounds when you understand love, what it does for you and how one embraces it inside the context of a relationship.

When two people meet they are two separate worlds, how they meet and if they hit it off is something sometimes tremendously complex. Each person is a world unto themselves, a complex mystery throughout their past and their finite future.

When we enter into a relationship, no matter how close, it is initially located on the periphery border of our experiences. If it is allowed to grow it will reach intimacy, it will become deeper, and it will have an impact on our future. If you are in your center and the other person is at its center, those two centers will begin to get closer and closer and something we call love with unite the two. This is the opposite of war, which tears apart and destroys it does not create.

When the encounter is peripheral we can say that we are only befriended. Even here we can touch each other, we can even have sex, but it will be from the edges of our borders, that's an intimately close acquaintance This "friend with benefits," should not be seen as somebody we are in love with, as intimacy and lust is something else entirely when it does not flow from love.

No, love is so much more than simple lust or desire.

To get to know a person, to reach that center is to go through a great change personally, something that takes time; this profound inner revolution which occurs because if you want to get to know a person at their center you will have to allow this change to happen. And that change is the longing, the with that we all make, to get to know that person, to let them help us get another perspective, a companion for life who helps us avoid the holes and heal wounds that we all have.

If you want a relationship, one that is deeper, that it is not a peripheral but profound you have to allow that person to also get to know you (the real you), for which you must become a vulnerable, open person, and this demands a greater risk, it is dangerous because you never know how much that person could harm you by knowing your deepest secrets, everything that we have hidden for a long time, not only to others, but to ourselves and now that can be exposed, and that's where fear comes in, so it's not very easy to open up, because fear directly touches our vulnerability, our feeling of rejection, of failure. It leaves us thinking "I'm going to expose myself and they may leave me."

What we're hiding is an idea of what's inside of us, maybe it's not good and, when they really know me, maybe they're going to "abandon me," so there are so many people who have this mechanism of protection that rationalizes ending relationships before anything happens, before that idea has to end the relationship, people who stay on the periphery border because they are unable to deepen a relationship, because deep down the relationship has never taken hold, leave the relationship before the relationship has a chance to leave them. This is to abandon before being abandoned. Why? Because we want to be hurt, we are not willing to risk finding out.

There are married couples, there are lovers both who have been together for many years and who are only known on that superficial level, who have never really connected with each other; and there are situations where the more you live with someone, the more you forget that center of balance you built with your partner early on. They remain lovers on the periphery of their lives, even if they are lovers of years they know nothing about each other.

Sex is the same, as it can be making love on the periphery. Unless the centers are united, sex results only in the encounter between two bodies and not at the soul.

Sex is only love when both people feel it in a sexual relationship, when the are at their center truly in love, in that case not only is sex love, but sex is sublime, it is eternal.

And when we allow someone to enter our center:

We're without out fear.

The person oriented towards love is someone who does not fear the future, who does not fear the one who stands next to them, who opens up, who is exposed and does not fear the result or the consequences of opening themselves up to someone else.

Age Disparity in a Relationship

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Today I wanted to hit on a topic that still seems un-addressed. Age disparity in relationships that cause a power imbalance. The list contains ten reasons why it's wrong to fall in love with someone older… This contributes to a theory several friends and I came to several years ago, which we began to see embodied in how many of us date.

The age difference in a sexual relationship is a common feature in many modern relationships. Social acceptance of age difference and concept about what is considered a significant age difference has varied over time, and also depends on different cultures and different legal systems, not to forget ethical reasons.

According to a 2010 study of 22,400 subjects in North America, Europe, Australia, and Japan, women showed no preference for much younger men. According to this study, women are generally interested in men of the same age or slightly older. This study also supports the different types of relationships (e.g. Enjokasai, Sugardaddy, Trophy Wife) that younger women with older men enter into for various reasons. An earlier study had also shown this result.

While the findings are more favorable for this construct we as a society often look less favorably toward the reverse.

While terms like mistress and girlfriend are the common words used to describe an older man and younger woman. Woman are see as cougars, sugar mommies (with Boy Toys), or MILFs. This is how our culture describes different types of women's interests in younger male sexual partners or vice versa, and are supported, for example, by a 2003 study by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP). After that, 34% of women over the age of 40 meet with younger men. Likewise, many older women have been paying younger lovers for sexual adventures in many of the tourist resorts in the Caribbean, Asia and Africa for several decades.

According to another 2003 study by the Office for National Statistics for England and Wales, the number of women married to younger men rose from 15% to 26% between 1963 and 1998.

According to the US Census Bureau, there were fewer than half a million couples in the United States in 1997 with an age difference of at least ten years. In 2003, however, there were about 3 million couples in which the man was at least six years younger than the woman. International online dating services, such as match.com with about 20 million members, note an increase in the proportion of women in their databases who would like to meet a man who is at least ten years younger.

In today's Western society, many divorced older women are socially and financially independent.

Whether or not this type of relationship structure will become more normalized in our society is yet to be seen.

One point that is still relevant, however, is the problem that age disparity (10 years) plays in a relationship.

Well Dressed

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A while ago I heard someone say (or I might have read it in some magazine (or saw it in a movie…)) that "you must dress for the job you want and not for the one you have".

Alright I thought, how do dress if you want to become Queen of England?

Seriously though, I think that the logic is pretty sound, but what if your budget doesn't for allow it? Let's remember that we don't have that dream job yet…so if you don't have it you can't exactly dress for it without hurting your bank account.

What if you don't have the figure to wear the kind of clothes you're supposed to wear? The problem was one that I wrestled with for a while. Because, let's admit, not all clothes are suitable for all jobs. And not all jobs allow you to wear the most suitable clothes. Beyond that I need to take my body type into consideration.

What if we weren't born with that innate grace to style our hair or combine pieces to make amazing styles? For example my hair never wants to cooperate, so in the end I chose to cut my hair shorter so I don't have to worry.

I am sure that both you and I, have a lot of clothes in the closet that we do not like for one reason or another. For example I have plenty I am not able to combine–purchased only because I was thinking that it will look great for work, or to go out, or to just be me! Don't you hate sales! Now instead of hanging on the store rack it is their, hanging on yours and taking up space.

And what have I decided? After taking an inventory on my closet craze I have decided to make a radical change, to it and to my style, and the way I buy. And I intend to apply the 3 simple rules to do it:

Reduce–Recycle–Reuse.

So I'm minimizing the purchases I make (both clothing and accessories) and reusing and recycling clothes I already had in the closet: lengthening dresses, shortening sleeves, adding DIY details to customize the accessories… I even started to make my own jewellery!! This has given me a better idea about accents, so that I am not wrong when it comes to combining an outfit.

Finally I hope that by sharing this with you, what I was able to learn, you are encouraged to follow a similar path (if, like I, you were lost), and help you get the most out of your closet. I am satisfied.

A big greeting and a big hug, thank you for stopping by and I hope you enjoyed my post.

Gestures in Non-Verbal Language

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Gestures, they say as much or more than is verbally said.

Here I leave you some very common nonverbal language gestures (body language), which we have almost all experienced in one form or another.

This very interesting one:

Fixing your hair: Many people feel that it is a feminine gesture; suggests discreet provocation, flirtation. But this can't be further from the truth, many researches agree that it is a sign of discomfort or uncertainty.

Adjusting your tie: It is a often perceived as the male equivalent to the previous one. The same message can manifest itself when the person fixes the crease on their trouser leg, smooths the flaps of their jacket, the handkerchief in the jacket pocket, etc.

Biting a lip: The same message above, with a certain shyness and nervousness showing through.

Caressing an unconsciously determined object: It is a gesture typical of individuals who have become distracted or disinterested.

A smile with a direct look: Suggests discreet provocation or a developed sense of self.

The classic top-down look: It depends on the situation, it can highlight the characteristic of a person who is assessing the situation or a person.

Open hands: It is a characteristic gesture of sincere people who is comfortable.

Clenched fist: The opposite reveals nervousness tension, the truth is hidden, and hostility.

Slumped shoulders: Suggests inability to cope with certain situations in life.

If the person sits with their legs together: Denotes a careful, orderly and careful personality.

If the individual crosses the leg at an angle: It is ambitious. Competitive. It's a rare attitude, often seen in athletes.

If the person sits on one leg: It can suggest a very conformist personality that is not easy to make decisions.

The woman who sits with her legs open: Reveals independence, a very defined concept of her image.

The tight cigarette holder: Denotes an intense, restless and erratic personality.

Blinking (constantly): Denotes total attention.

Looking at a person frequently: Shows affection.

Not looking at a person: Suggests rejection ("I'm not interested" or you don't share my sympathies).

A prolonged look with a serious face: Reveals curiosity in the beginning, can go as far as contempt.

When a man looks sideways (with some frequency): It is a sign of hypocrisy.

Touching a person too much (without equal reciprocation): Can mean; a degree of selfishness, control (or physical desire).

If man touches the genital area: It is a common gesture in some cultures and denotes a male reaffirmation (a these cultural structures expect reaffirmation in various ways).

The person walks very quickly: It suggests a dynamic, restless personality, eager to meet goals (either their own or from external sources) that have been set to be completed in a certain time.

If the individual walks with hesitant steps: Denotes a hesitant, erratic, insecure, shy and tired personality from the onslaughts received in their life.

Then we have other aspects of non-verbal language:

The forced smile is the one that becomes a kind of mask for our true feelings, it is the so-called professional smile (its greatest cultists are politicians, businessman actors).

Obsession with clothes and the way one dresses: Not only is an exhibitionist personality projected, but an independent rebellious character is demonstrated.

Playing with any object: It is clear that what this person is afflicted with nervousness, restlessness, anxiety, and they are actually trying to buy time and preparing to give an adequate response.

Look at the clock as you speak: Denotes haste and restlessness.

Look at the clock while someone else speaks: It's a rude gesture that reveals impatience.

The Magic of Love

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Love will always be present in our lives and hearts despite time, distance and situations. Living with the same partner for a long time can become stable and comfortable, and, as a result, can appear to have diminished the spark that made your relationship so special at first.

This isn't the case, however, realizing that it is there may have become less visible.

Here's some simple, fun and creative ideas to rekindle that magic which the two of you once shared. Chances are you've already thought about them. Don't be afraid to be cheesy, on the contrary they can give you incredible results. Sharing laughter is free and when done with the person you love an incredible way to bond an rekindle the spark.

Here are a few options:

Surprise: Send Them A Unique Gift

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childish picture with a smiling sun and two figurines taken from your hands. Add tags with their two names by pointing to the figurines. Write 'I love you' inside a heart. Then get a big formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type a formal label with the address of your partner's work, such as: "For the urgent and immediate attention of: Their Name, Their Address" Send it to your partner to receive in the middle of a hectic day.

Play: Connect With Your Inner Child (And Your Partner)

If you're walking by a park, visit the swings and playground equipment. Play on the beach. This usually brings back happy memories of his childhood.

Tenderness: A Massage With A Twist

Buy a small decorated cardboard box, a colored tissue paper sheet, some massage oil and a blank card. Put the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card: "I know a great masseuse. For an appointment call: (Your phone number)"

Fond Memories: Dreams Of A Child

Contact your partner's family and ask if there was anything they always wanted when they were little. For example, if your wife always wanted a special doll, buy her one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you were considerate enough to find out what she always wanted. You can do this for your husband, too.

The Moments: Look At The Clouds

Drive to a field, find a green hill, and lie back and look at the clouds.

Activities: Walk On The Beach

Draw the shape of a big heart in the sand. Sit inside your heart and caress your partner as you watch the sunset.

Togetherness: Organize A Picnic In Your Backyard Or Balcony On A Warm Summer Night

Place a picnic blanket on the ground and eat some snacks, chocolates and drink champagne together. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and look at the stars.

Caring: Show Your Partner That You Are Thankful

Leave a long-stemmed rose for your partner to find, with a note that says "Thank you for entering my life."

Intimacy: Keep Your Sex Life Alive

Probably the deepest way to rekindle romance in your relationship is to spice up your sex life. Surprise your partner with a small gift after making love, try a new position, learn to give a sensual massage to your partner (before or after), or simply spend your time looking into each other's eyes and stroking your bare skin before making love.

Many people underestimate the intimate and passionate effect that sex has on the couple. If you spice it up, you and your partner will probably do romantic things naturally. Why? Because making love passionately connects two people in a meaningful and inexplicable way that is not achieved with anything else.

Communication is the Cornerstone of a Relationship

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Communicating with your partner is what makes a foundation for the happy relationship most couples strive for. This is, often overlooked however when people assess aspects of their relationship that they feel need attention.

Many couples end their relationships because they can't find an understanding. This lack of communication leads to fights, anger and resentment which in most average relationships can be resolved through an open dialog. You can prevent communication problems in your relationships by practicing some of the following tips. If you can apply some of these ideas you will be given the chance to avoid communication problems with your partner. It's amazing how small things can help, to be attentive and listen, or notice something good in the other person, all of which can improve your relationship.

Relationships in general can be difficult.

Communication is very cornerstone in the relationship; but it cannot betaken lightly, if so, without realizing its importance which lies in the fact that it helps us to grow we will neglect a central element that all successful couples share.

Many couples end their relationships because they can't find an understanding with their partner. This lack of communication then leads to those common three problems many list in therapy: fights, anger and resentment. Problems due to lack of communication are the result of:

  • A lot of talk, but not a lot of listening;
  • Use of indirect communication that does not make a clear point;
  • Showing a defensive attitude like being aggressive;
  • Dishonesty.

You can prevent communication problems in your relationships by practicing some of the following tips:

  1. When you meet with your partner, listen to what he or she has to say, think before you respond.
  2. Get to the point. There's no need to hide anything. Be open and clear so that misunderstood do not happen.
  3. Be honest and don't lie. The lie only leads to a lack of trust, doubt and resentment inside relationships.
  4. Try to be assertive. You need to understand the other person, but you must also express your feelings and ideas clearly. A relationship consists of two people so there must be two voices with a reasonable outcome.
  5. To improve communication in your relationship there must be openness on both sides. You can do this by sharing your experiences, the good and the bad. This will help both people relate on each other.
  6. When a discussion arises, avoid comments that will harm the other person. This includes generalizations and contempt. If you don't do this, you'll later feel sorry for what you said. It is also important that both exalt self-confidence and self-esteem.
  7. Find something good despite the negative. Let your partner have their own space by avoiding being a controller and insisting that they are always right.

If you can apply some of these ideas you may be able to avoid communication problems with your partner. It's amazing how small things we can do improve listening make a big difference when it comes to noticing something good in the other person.

Friendship In A Digital Age

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This internet allows us to make connections from around the world, it gives us the opportunity to have communication with many people from different walks of life, even if they are thousands of miles away. The only options for such contact just a few decades ago were via mail (slow) and long distance telephone calls (expensive).

Today I can met people, characters (yes, you read that correctly) "characters" because they play a role, I don't know them personally, or if they really are who they say they are. At best, they show a part of their personality in which they hope shows the best part of their character without realizing it, well, that is now always true, but that's another story that I hope to tell you later.

Their is some truth to the argument that they are doing the same in their personal life, but that is a subject for another day as well.

I met a special person last year, from the first day we spoke it was as if we knew each other all our lives, it was as if we just stopped talking for a while and our reunion was wonderful. In other words we connected really well. Needless to say we got carried away by everything and had some very happy moments together thanks to this wonderful thing that we call technology.

When we say love we often reserve it for romantic relationships but it is more than that. To love some one does not mean you desire physical intimacy. We felt so much love since that first meeting which came from our hearts. Still, long heartfelt conversations sometimes need to be punctuated with a hug. So we meet. We gave eachother that longed-for embrace and felt each others warmth, I will never forget that. At this point it is important to note that we really don't live that far from one another. A couples of hours drive. The distance was not immense, but that is relative, thanks to the internet we were able to connect, something that would have been impossible otherwise.

The internet brings people together.

What Is True Love

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It's not easy to distinguish between lust and true love. Most people have grown up believing in the idea of true love.

Film loves to feature romantic stories in which an attractive girl and boy meet and although they do not know one another at all, they fall in love with one another instantly, knowing that they have been made for each other. In the scope of a movie this might be necessary given that they run only two hours. But is that realistic? If so film romances strike faster than lightning! While they show this relationship as love, is this true love?

Let's face it, if you don't get to know somebody then you cannot love them. Sure you can get a crush. A whim starts quickly. Maybe, a boy may be attracted to a girl who smiles kindly at him. He might be the only one that feels something, but she may understand his attraction and respond. The idea of being attractive to another person ignites a certain amount of excitement. When it is fresh and new, everyone wonders, "What's happening to me? I've never felt this way before. I'm probably in love. I think I've finally found the right person for myself."

But has that person really fallen in love with the other person—or have they fallen in love with love! If everything feels like it has fallen into place it might be coming from internally. It takes a greater understanding and connection to safely say: "I'm in love. I think I've finally found the right person for me."

That beautiful feeling of being in love is never a permanent condition without something deeper coming from both partners. Without mutual understanding it's a feeling and feelings come and go. You may be on cloud nine with this beautiful feeling, but if you expect to find it so easily can you expect to hold on to it as easily? Can you accept that you have found it and not become board with it? To think that you will live the rest of your life at that top you will be setting yourself up for a great disappointment.

True love, is more than a beautiful feeling—it's a commitment. A commitment is a decision backed by actions.

Many love relationships develop into solid partnerships, especially when emotional communication proves to be stable and sustainable outside the sexual aspect of a relationship. In a love affair in which no partnership is sought or expected, or which is conducted in parallel with an existing partnership, one speaks of a love affair, a liaison, an extramarital sexual relationship in which sex is paramount. In all these cases can one really speak of true love?

Love is the search for a partner one can trust and share a life, this is why people marry. In true love they are sure in each other's love, despite the presence or absence of romantic feelings at that current moment.

Lust itself is a form of selfish love. First and foremost it is a love generated by what the other person can do for him or her at that point. That form of love always seeks convenience and well-being, not that of the other person's wellbeing. It's selfish and one sided. It's erotic at its heart, that's why it's called Eros after the Greek god who ruled over "Lust, Sex, Eroticism and Sensual Desires" . The person who only has that kind of love uses the other person and does not care about the welfare or the relationship. They live according to their feelings and not according to a commitment.

The opposite of Eros, Agape is a Greco-Christian term referring to love, "the highest form of love, charity," which can be seen as a form of true love. It is a constant love. The partner always wants the best for the other person.

This kind of love is true love. Don't settle for selfish love, a love that only thinks of itself. Seek true love, love Agape, the love it gives, and gives, and continues to give. Seek God first to experience that love and you will never again settle for selfish love or be a person you selfishly love. It's really worth it.

Love gives, it does not take.