Expanding One’s Love

Standard

If we can recognize that we are all mirrors, mirrors of each other, then we have to remember that this is as true for them as it is for us: others reflect aspects of ourselves, but we also do the same with others. The mirror is both the source and the vessel in which we appear.

Choosing what we want to reflect in others is an important decision one has to make. What we choose to reflect is important because it says a lot about us. And when we decide on what is to be shown we should do so with great care and awareness. For it is hard to be able to recognize and appreciate the best of each person; this is an act of love towards yourself, because the other does not really exist in the fashion that one believe tangible, but is viewed as an extension of you.

We are all people and according to the way we relate to those around us thus we are reflecting the way we treat ourselves.
It is not a question of denying or hiding limitations or possible "failures"—our own or those of others—but of enhancing the aspects that are beautiful, wise and endearing.

Where we focus our attention, that is the area that grows, expands and increases. Therefore, if you appreciate the positive qualities of others, you help them to grow, to love and accept, and motivate them to continue to give their best. This is the nature of sharing both of one's self (the intangible) and of resource (the tangible). Through this act they then are given the option to give you back that reflection, and so, among all of us, we create a world where love, unity, respect and peace rein state.

But not all light is bright.

What if someone insists on projecting their darkness toward us? In those cases we can continue to reflect the best parts of that person. People who only project criticism, judgments, and attack you in some way are those who do not recognize their own beauty and do not love themselves. This is crucial in being happy and comfortable in ones life. This does not always work. Sometimes it is appropriate to follow our path, with acceptance, forgiveness and detachment. And yet, we do not need to reflect that which they project on us, we can keep that person in our heart, and continue to send him Love.

This is not intended to be a revelation. The truth is elusive, yes, but sooner or later we discover the truth: limitations, mistakes and failures do not exist, for they are illusions created by our minds.

We are love, and to that extent, when you discover it in yourself and reflect it to others, we are perceiving the only possible reality.

Make A Spark; A Fire

Standard

In relationships, the sexual aspect is fundamental and a gift you give to one another, the sensations obtained are rewarding and healthy for the mind, body and spirit. Here are some simple but very effective tips. You don't need to turn your relationship into a fantasy routine, but to experience new things that lead you to feel joyful and happy isn't about that.

Variety

If you use the same positions and techniques all the time it eventually becomes boring. The sense of intrigue and adventure is lost and becomes predictable and tedious. Variety is what turns an ordinary relationship into an extraordinary, fun and intriguing relationship, with adventure and passion. Remember that variety not only means treating different things at different times but also incorporating new things and techniques that you've never tried before.

Sex lives. We all have them to one degree or another. Some of them are fulfilled while other feel that it is somehow lacking. But what is really good sex? It means being enlivened and open to your partner. The more experiences you share outside of the bed will benefit the pleasure for both of you in bed.

Use Your Entire Body

It's important that you stay active, stroke your partner and caress them. Being active doesn't mean jumping around at all times. If you have your hands free then you can stroke their back, caress or touch them, sex is not limited to their erogenous zones.

Simply touching it will excite you and it might be all that you need to improve your bedtime experience.

Communicate with Your Partner!

Your partner needs to know what they are doing in order to please you just like you need their input. If you stay quiet you will never get satisfaction in bed. For women this can be harder than men. Men tell you what they want in bed. Your boyfriend or husband is open and says it without any problem; this makes it easier and that's why you have to do the same for him and communicate your needs.

This doesn't mean you have to be super specific, if you give them some basic directions they will be able to find their way around. Especially if they are in tune with you at a deeper level. This communication helps to improve the love in the relationship and bring a couple closer together as a couple in bed. Your intimate life will undoubtedly improve if you can openly communicate what you really like.

Now it's very likely that you've heard this many times but have you ever tried to open that dialog? Would you belive that I put it into practice? This weekend, take time and talk a bit about it with your partner. Your relationship will thank you.

Living Together: Guidelines for Couples

Standard

Here are the seven principles of a couple's coexistence, according to emotional ecology. The goal is to create the best possible conditions to love and to be loved when you share a space with another person. This is also one of the hardest parts about being in a relationship and many have failed during the initial phases of living together because the people involved were not ready or failed to understand all implications that go along with co-inhabitance.

Personal autonomy.

Each person must be themselves and work to know how and and be autonomous. Everyone must be given the means to make their dreams (within reason, otherwise if they are too grand you might be better suited single) come true. Every person is unique.

Dependency prevention.

Don't play "mother" or "father" with your partner. Don't overprotect them or think for them, talk or do things on their behalf if they are capable instead. Don't always tell them what to do. Create a space of freedom where everyone assumes their own self-care responsibilities.

Sowing the Positive – Feed Back.

Everything positive that we sow around us is repaid to us. A simple principle in theory, but can be hard to achieve in a relationship. If we sow in our relationship as a couple joy, gratitude, tenderness, empathy, communication, love, generosity, understanding, independence; we create an emotional environment that pays off. Instead: selfishness, moodiness, anger, pessimism, complaint, criticism, jealousy, mistrust; will pollute the relationship.

Natural Morality.

Don't do to your partner what you don't want to done to you, that's the golden rule for life. It sounds logical, but this is often forgotten. Do not control, do not complain constantly, do not underestimate, do not yell, do not judge.

Individuality and Difference.

We are all different and that is precisely why couples are so strong. They offer each other a wealth of experience for a relationship. You have to respect different tastes and never impose your own, instead embrace it when interest is shown. Listen to your partner to discover their tastes and preferences so that we can share them, and not make differences a pitched battle.

Love Yourself

You can't give love if you don't love yourself. You can't give quality time, if isn't given freely. You can't smile if you don't have anything in your own life to smile about. You will not be able to collaborate on your happiness, if that person is not responsible for their own happiness. First we start with ourselves, and then we can give everything we harvest. This may sound self-focused but it is the opposite of an ego centric or narcissistic relationship.

You Choose.

Our challenge is to take responsibility for our own lives, for our actions. To achieve this we must provide relationship the right spaces to evolve and improve as people. We are responsible for our choice of partner and the decision whether or not to continue with it. If our relationship causes us a lot of suffering and lowers our self-esteem; if it reduces our world and our chances of being and relating, we have a duty to "clean up" and end the relationship.

If you are chosen without any action on your part is it really a balanced relationship?

A Thousand Ways Of Revisiting Our Roots: The Garden Dandelion

Standard

I am thinking about looking at all of the ways we have developed as a society, the things that

Their seem to endless uses at the table for various plants that today are now no longer seen as foods.

The dandelion is one of those.

On spring days, the wind blows seeds. Among the many seeds that will come to touch the earth, there are the seeds of the "blowers". The ones we all blew as kids.

It's dandelion seeds, Taraxacum officinale. An extraordinary vegetable with excellent sensory qualities. Rich in minerals, fiber and vitamins.

Normally it is considered a weed, perhaps because it is tenacious and like few others, it resists stubbornly in the garden. Perhaps by changing our strategy we would be able to make it attractive in our eyes unlike what it appears to us today. For it once was a common summer green. Not without its fabulous quality to regrow once it has been cut.

Let's use it in the kitchen and grow it in the garden or even in pots on the balcony.

First of all the seeds are free and second it is one of those vegetables of which you can use the whole plant.

What parts of the dandelion are used in the kitchen you may ask:

  • flowers
  • leaves: eat young tender leaves in salad, or sauté then in a pan
  • flower buds: pickled and preserved like capers
  • the root

First the seeds can be recovered (some garden catalogs also sell the seeds), but how?

When you see the big beautiful puffy heads in the fields and grassy areas it's time to collect seeds. Bring along a nice piece of paper to collect all the seeds. Once you get home, make a nice ball with all the seeds from the "blowballs" or "clocks" (that is, the tufts with which the seed is carried by the wind ). Rub the seeds well using the two palms of your hands against each other. You will see all the seeds dropped on the table. Pick and sow them in pots or in the garden.

Remember the dandelion is a vegetable that you can harvest practically all year round, without interruption, because with each cut it will grow back without problems.

They have been used in the kitchen since the Middle Ages and probably long before that.

Embracing Love’s Embrace

Standard

Does he hug you when you sleep or turn his back on you?

Hugging has been proven to have health benefits. One study has shown that hugs increase levels of oxytocin and reduce blood pressure.

Through sleep, both men and women unconsciously take the position expressed by their attitude towards their partner. What does your sleeping body language have to say? We all sleep in different ways, but each one has a favorite position where he likes to fall asleep.

Psychologists agree that the position of our body through the night can tell a lot about the character of the person and their attachment to their partner. If one's dreams can be called a monologue, those of two together can be called a dialog.

Scientists found that the way people sleep, indicates something about how they relate and which feelings govern between the two. So, what's our body language trying to tell us?

The main orientations while sleeping are:

  1. Back to back. They sleep with their back to their partner, that is they are touching from behind, facing away from the other, but they maintain contact behind. These couples feel a strong sexual attraction to one another, although they value their independence, they give great importance to feeling the closeness of the other.

  2. Spoon position. One partner is supposed to hug the other from behing. This position is also called the back hug by my boyfriend, when the man embraces the woman, it means that he is willing to protect her from all evil, and if the woman embraces the man, it means that she enjoys his confidence. In this case she represents emotional support for her partner.

They say that this position ensures harmony and is often thought of as showing trust, a good thing for the future and progress of a relationship.

  1. Facing hugs. The lovers sleep face to face towards each other, hugged. The legs may be tangled, indicating the desire to belong to each other and other strong bonding feelings. The heads may be at different levels and can be uncomfortable to sleep like this.

  2. Separately. Partners do not touch each other during sleep. It indicates difficulties in the relationship of couple and lack of mutual understanding in waking life.

  3. Side hugs. Research made by an English sexual health center interpret 3 variants of this position:

Variant 1. The man is on his back and hugs/cradles his partner who rests beside him. The position indicates that he is willing to give emotional support and harbor his partner in life from harm.

Variant 2. One of the couple is on their back, and another on their side in an fetal position. This has been translated that the latter needs the support, but for some reason cannot say it openly.

Variant 3. One is on the back, and the other next to your belly, placing a leg or arm on the partner's body. According to psychologists, the latter has the subordinate role in the relationship.

It should be noted that the poses of couples, who have lived together for a long time, are more reserved than newlyweds. If the newly involve embrace the whole body and their bodies get very entangled during sleep, those who have had a long relationship together, are more reserved and will lock a foot or hand when seeking contact. Psychologists recommend that all couples sleep in the same bed. The fact is that if they separate to different beds, their incomprehension grows and negatively influences the relationship. Scientists explain that the person is more sincere in sleep and does not depend so much on their ego as in wakefulness.

The Feeling of Love

Standard

How can you define love? Into which box do you place it?

What is love?

According to philosophy, human or religious judgment, love is related to the affection and attachment that is experienced towards a person. This leads to passionate emotions and intimacy. According to science, it is only a state of primitive evolution of survival that facilitates the continuity of species.

We have multiple ways to look at love, but on an inner personal level few would define it so clinically.

So how would you describe love to someone?

In psychology, the terms affection and love are of great importance. As all intellectual phenomena have been classified as sensations by scientists, all emotion is perceived as a simple mental affection, the element by which all emotional manifestations are greatly pronounced.

The psychologist Henry Murray (1893-1988) developed an organized personality theory in terms of motivations and needs. According to Murray, these psychogenic needs function mainly through unconsciousness, but play a major role in the personality of individuals. Murray categorizes these five needs of affection:

  • Affiliation: spending time with other individuals;
  • Nurturing: caring for another person;
  • Play: having fun with others;
  • Social rejection: rejection of other individuals;
  • Protection: be useful or protective of others.

So affection is a feeling of love, and yet as a mere type in the very broadest sense: a positive feeling therefore that like other forms of love makes us wish for the well-being or happiness of others, or even pushes us to participate as best we can. One can compare affection to friendship or tenderness, and its expression to benevolence or simply to kindness. A person with affection is said to be affectionate.

Affection has sparked a number of studies in philosophy and psychology concerning the feeling itself (popularly love, devotion, etc.) as well as the influence of this state of mind.

Don’t Be Afraid – Show Your Love

Standard

The opposite of war is love and the opposite of love is not hate, it is fear.

What is love? Love is the basis for a healthy relationship, and every healthy relationship is a garden, a mystery that happens, for example, between two people, a garden that depends on both people to flourish. In this encounter where a new universe is created, in that encounter where phenomena happen and where both people are exchanged and transformed. This is a lot easier than it sounds when you understand love, what it does for you and how one embraces it inside the context of a relationship.

When two people meet they are two separate worlds, how they meet and if they hit it off is something sometimes tremendously complex. Each person is a world unto themselves, a complex mystery throughout their past and their finite future.

When we enter into a relationship, no matter how close, it is initially located on the periphery border of our experiences. If it is allowed to grow it will reach intimacy, it will become deeper, and it will have an impact on our future. If you are in your center and the other person is at its center, those two centers will begin to get closer and closer and something we call love with unite the two. This is the opposite of war, which tears apart and destroys it does not create.

When the encounter is peripheral we can say that we are only befriended. Even here we can touch each other, we can even have sex, but it will be from the edges of our borders, that's an intimately close acquaintance This "friend with benefits," should not be seen as somebody we are in love with, as intimacy and lust is something else entirely when it does not flow from love.

No, love is so much more than simple lust or desire.

To get to know a person, to reach that center is to go through a great change personally, something that takes time; this profound inner revolution which occurs because if you want to get to know a person at their center you will have to allow this change to happen. And that change is the longing, the with that we all make, to get to know that person, to let them help us get another perspective, a companion for life who helps us avoid the holes and heal wounds that we all have.

If you want a relationship, one that is deeper, that it is not a peripheral but profound you have to allow that person to also get to know you (the real you), for which you must become a vulnerable, open person, and this demands a greater risk, it is dangerous because you never know how much that person could harm you by knowing your deepest secrets, everything that we have hidden for a long time, not only to others, but to ourselves and now that can be exposed, and that's where fear comes in, so it's not very easy to open up, because fear directly touches our vulnerability, our feeling of rejection, of failure. It leaves us thinking "I'm going to expose myself and they may leave me."

What we're hiding is an idea of what's inside of us, maybe it's not good and, when they really know me, maybe they're going to "abandon me," so there are so many people who have this mechanism of protection that rationalizes ending relationships before anything happens, before that idea has to end the relationship, people who stay on the periphery border because they are unable to deepen a relationship, because deep down the relationship has never taken hold, leave the relationship before the relationship has a chance to leave them. This is to abandon before being abandoned. Why? Because we want to be hurt, we are not willing to risk finding out.

There are married couples, there are lovers both who have been together for many years and who are only known on that superficial level, who have never really connected with each other; and there are situations where the more you live with someone, the more you forget that center of balance you built with your partner early on. They remain lovers on the periphery of their lives, even if they are lovers of years they know nothing about each other.

Sex is the same, as it can be making love on the periphery. Unless the centers are united, sex results only in the encounter between two bodies and not at the soul.

Sex is only love when both people feel it in a sexual relationship, when the are at their center truly in love, in that case not only is sex love, but sex is sublime, it is eternal.

And when we allow someone to enter our center:

We're without out fear.

The person oriented towards love is someone who does not fear the future, who does not fear the one who stands next to them, who opens up, who is exposed and does not fear the result or the consequences of opening themselves up to someone else.

Age Disparity in a Relationship

Standard

Today I wanted to hit on a topic that still seems un-addressed. Age disparity in relationships that cause a power imbalance. The list contains ten reasons why it's wrong to fall in love with someone older… This contributes to a theory several friends and I came to several years ago, which we began to see embodied in how many of us date.

The age difference in a sexual relationship is a common feature in many modern relationships. Social acceptance of age difference and concept about what is considered a significant age difference has varied over time, and also depends on different cultures and different legal systems, not to forget ethical reasons.

According to a 2010 study of 22,400 subjects in North America, Europe, Australia, and Japan, women showed no preference for much younger men. According to this study, women are generally interested in men of the same age or slightly older. This study also supports the different types of relationships (e.g. Enjokasai, Sugardaddy, Trophy Wife) that younger women with older men enter into for various reasons. An earlier study had also shown this result.

While the findings are more favorable for this construct we as a society often look less favorably toward the reverse.

While terms like mistress and girlfriend are the common words used to describe an older man and younger woman. Woman are see as cougars, sugar mommies (with Boy Toys), or MILFs. This is how our culture describes different types of women's interests in younger male sexual partners or vice versa, and are supported, for example, by a 2003 study by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP). After that, 34% of women over the age of 40 meet with younger men. Likewise, many older women have been paying younger lovers for sexual adventures in many of the tourist resorts in the Caribbean, Asia and Africa for several decades.

According to another 2003 study by the Office for National Statistics for England and Wales, the number of women married to younger men rose from 15% to 26% between 1963 and 1998.

According to the US Census Bureau, there were fewer than half a million couples in the United States in 1997 with an age difference of at least ten years. In 2003, however, there were about 3 million couples in which the man was at least six years younger than the woman. International online dating services, such as match.com with about 20 million members, note an increase in the proportion of women in their databases who would like to meet a man who is at least ten years younger.

In today's Western society, many divorced older women are socially and financially independent.

Whether or not this type of relationship structure will become more normalized in our society is yet to be seen.

One point that is still relevant, however, is the problem that age disparity (10 years) plays in a relationship.

Well Dressed

Standard

A while ago I heard someone say (or I might have read it in some magazine (or saw it in a movie…)) that "you must dress for the job you want and not for the one you have".

Alright I thought, how do dress if you want to become Queen of England?

Seriously though, I think that the logic is pretty sound, but what if your budget doesn't for allow it? Let's remember that we don't have that dream job yet…so if you don't have it you can't exactly dress for it without hurting your bank account.

What if you don't have the figure to wear the kind of clothes you're supposed to wear? The problem was one that I wrestled with for a while. Because, let's admit, not all clothes are suitable for all jobs. And not all jobs allow you to wear the most suitable clothes. Beyond that I need to take my body type into consideration.

What if we weren't born with that innate grace to style our hair or combine pieces to make amazing styles? For example my hair never wants to cooperate, so in the end I chose to cut my hair shorter so I don't have to worry.

I am sure that both you and I, have a lot of clothes in the closet that we do not like for one reason or another. For example I have plenty I am not able to combine–purchased only because I was thinking that it will look great for work, or to go out, or to just be me! Don't you hate sales! Now instead of hanging on the store rack it is their, hanging on yours and taking up space.

And what have I decided? After taking an inventory on my closet craze I have decided to make a radical change, to it and to my style, and the way I buy. And I intend to apply the 3 simple rules to do it:

Reduce–Recycle–Reuse.

So I'm minimizing the purchases I make (both clothing and accessories) and reusing and recycling clothes I already had in the closet: lengthening dresses, shortening sleeves, adding DIY details to customize the accessories… I even started to make my own jewellery!! This has given me a better idea about accents, so that I am not wrong when it comes to combining an outfit.

Finally I hope that by sharing this with you, what I was able to learn, you are encouraged to follow a similar path (if, like I, you were lost), and help you get the most out of your closet. I am satisfied.

A big greeting and a big hug, thank you for stopping by and I hope you enjoyed my post.

Gestures in Non-Verbal Language

Standard

Gestures, they say as much or more than is verbally said.

Here I leave you some very common nonverbal language gestures (body language), which we have almost all experienced in one form or another.

This very interesting one:

Fixing your hair: Many people feel that it is a feminine gesture; suggests discreet provocation, flirtation. But this can't be further from the truth, many researches agree that it is a sign of discomfort or uncertainty.

Adjusting your tie: It is a often perceived as the male equivalent to the previous one. The same message can manifest itself when the person fixes the crease on their trouser leg, smooths the flaps of their jacket, the handkerchief in the jacket pocket, etc.

Biting a lip: The same message above, with a certain shyness and nervousness showing through.

Caressing an unconsciously determined object: It is a gesture typical of individuals who have become distracted or disinterested.

A smile with a direct look: Suggests discreet provocation or a developed sense of self.

The classic top-down look: It depends on the situation, it can highlight the characteristic of a person who is assessing the situation or a person.

Open hands: It is a characteristic gesture of sincere people who is comfortable.

Clenched fist: The opposite reveals nervousness tension, the truth is hidden, and hostility.

Slumped shoulders: Suggests inability to cope with certain situations in life.

If the person sits with their legs together: Denotes a careful, orderly and careful personality.

If the individual crosses the leg at an angle: It is ambitious. Competitive. It's a rare attitude, often seen in athletes.

If the person sits on one leg: It can suggest a very conformist personality that is not easy to make decisions.

The woman who sits with her legs open: Reveals independence, a very defined concept of her image.

The tight cigarette holder: Denotes an intense, restless and erratic personality.

Blinking (constantly): Denotes total attention.

Looking at a person frequently: Shows affection.

Not looking at a person: Suggests rejection ("I'm not interested" or you don't share my sympathies).

A prolonged look with a serious face: Reveals curiosity in the beginning, can go as far as contempt.

When a man looks sideways (with some frequency): It is a sign of hypocrisy.

Touching a person too much (without equal reciprocation): Can mean; a degree of selfishness, control (or physical desire).

If man touches the genital area: It is a common gesture in some cultures and denotes a male reaffirmation (a these cultural structures expect reaffirmation in various ways).

The person walks very quickly: It suggests a dynamic, restless personality, eager to meet goals (either their own or from external sources) that have been set to be completed in a certain time.

If the individual walks with hesitant steps: Denotes a hesitant, erratic, insecure, shy and tired personality from the onslaughts received in their life.

Then we have other aspects of non-verbal language:

The forced smile is the one that becomes a kind of mask for our true feelings, it is the so-called professional smile (its greatest cultists are politicians, businessman actors).

Obsession with clothes and the way one dresses: Not only is an exhibitionist personality projected, but an independent rebellious character is demonstrated.

Playing with any object: It is clear that what this person is afflicted with nervousness, restlessness, anxiety, and they are actually trying to buy time and preparing to give an adequate response.

Look at the clock as you speak: Denotes haste and restlessness.

Look at the clock while someone else speaks: It's a rude gesture that reveals impatience.